Sunday Sketch (kinda): Shadona

Hey! It's been a while since I did a Sunday Sketch, so I decided to do one in the middle of the week. Anyway, I'll be posting all the pics of it here!

The very rough sketch. Doesn't look like much of anything really. Had to go back and indicate ribs for the breasts to sit on, in order to get them right. ;;

The final sketch/line work on top of the rough sketch. I like these kind of pics cause it sort of shows how I got from point A to point B as well as how I used the rough sketch.

The final sketch by itself looks pretty legit. I was gonna do coloring before adding eyes and the last bit of hair by her neck. OTL (Though she's a shadow spirit, so it's not really hair, anyway...)

I added colors and took the lineart away just to see what the colors by themselves look, and they looked pretty cool so here!

And here's the finished thing so far. I might go back later and try to add some shading and make her have some depth and look more 3D.

She was fun to draw, and quick to draw, but I think those things were affected by the fact that her design is simple. ;w; Hopefully I'll do another Sunday Sketch soon!

What I might (have to) do

I was thinking this morning (I kinda forgot about what I was thinking before this thought) and I had this thought that maybe what I have to do to get somewhere with my life is to temporarily ignore some of my pursuits and focus on one at a time, and the thing I think I should focus on first is my health. If my back's hurting, then I can't do ANYTHING so that's a big problem. A friend of mine says that I need to drink more milk and walk around instead of laying down all the time, so I guess I'll focus on those things.

However I think it'd be best to try and combine my efforts(?). Like, stemming from my (as of now) health main path, I could look for bottles as an excuse to walk around more, which combines 'getting money' and 'working on health'. So even tho I'd be getting a little money, it's not my main focus, just a little side thing to make it seem like I'm multitasking.

I don't really like this idea, but's it's probably my best shot. While working on my health, I'll probably be very impatient on everything. I may even become anxious cause of little to no progress in all the other fields, but I'll try my best, and hopefully my friends will be there to remind me about the important things. I'd like to thank Joy these past few days. She has been texting me on Twitter trying to help me, though to be honest I don't believe she had a real clue of what was really going on with me, but then again it's probably best she doesn't know all the details. Still though, she kind of kept me on the ball of thinking about how to change things (and punch the universe in the face) instead of wallowing in what I can't do. 

I'll still try to keep turning my fun time into progress time though, since that seemed to work a bit for me when I tried it. It just really makes me lash out when something upsets me. I most likely will have to find a way to counter that. I may have to combine that to my health main path somehow too.

And helping others might help in the 'walking around' department, as long as I don't strain myself. Who knows, I might even get stuff I need in return.~ Not gonna count on it though. Anyway, thanks for reading.~

Sunday Sketch:Kid Demon Queen

Ok so I decided to do this event called Sunday Sketch where I'd sketch something project-related and post it on Monday. I thought of this on a Monday and didn't feel like waiting, so I did it then, and got distracted Tuesday, so here it is Wednesday and I'm posting the pics here instead of just twitter cause of more than one pic. ;w;

This one is both sketch drawings with the ref pic I used. (though I really only used the smile. ;w;)

The original sketch. A bit hard to see cause of how light it is. ;;

And the final sketch I did on top of the original in a different layer.

If you have trouble seeing the pics, I believe you can click on them to make them bigger and see more detail. Anyway, I kinda drew her younger than I wanted to, and her hair is more poofier so she looks more adorable than I anticipated. ;w; I kinda like the hair in the original better though. The not-so-smooth lines give her hair a sort of puffy-fluffy look that I like more than the smoother curves of the final.

But yeah! I hope I can put out more of these to come! These sketches aren't necessarily going to all be canon. Just rough stuff that I think I might add or have in the game at the time I draw them.

Friends After School

It's been about 3 years after I graduated high school. High school wasn't really a great thing for me at all, especially after graduating, but this blog post is about the friend component of graduating. I'll talk about my story and then my thoughts about the component in general.

When I graduated, it wasn't easy. I was told from someone who was from Michigan Works, a company that tries to find people jobs, that noone was willing to hire me cause of my heart surgery. I took it as I wouldn't be able to get a job, like how my mother can't cause of her seizures. I was depressed, and trying for Social Security Disability Income since I thought I wouldn't be able to get a job, where just that thought severely pissed me off. Some friends still came over, but slowly stopped.

One friend slowly stopped cause I didn't have money. Another stayed for like a week though he didn't seem all interested in me (don't really blame him, he has his own life), and then went to Florida soon after he left. Idk if he still thinks of us as friends, but I feel like we grown apart. And then there was the mysterious one of them all, my current irl friend that stayed throughout.

At first we didn't really know each other that well. He was a year below me, and apparently knew me from middle school. He probably didn't hang around me much then and only through association, and then we didn't go to the same school for a year, so that's probably why I didn't know him even though he knew who I was. So we weren't real pal-ly at first, maybe. I can't really say what his intentions were or how he felt about me then.

Anyway, back to the after-graduation time, he'd come around and hang out. Sometimes he was nice company, but other times not really. Sometimes not at all, mostly cause of my depression and frustration, and lack of people skills.

As times pass, we had been there in a few of each other's tough times. After that I didn't really get so frustrated at him anymore, cause I had my own problems (most of which I still didn't even want to share) but he was having problems with people betraying him and making external problems for him, when mine were just hearing people say tons of different things and I didn't know what to do and I was just scared of my life being fucked over. For him, I was there when someone tried breaking
in cause they heard that he stole their little brother's bag of clothes when really it was a friend of his girlfriend (at that time) who did it and tried framing him.

Then some time ago, like 6 months or more, I asked myself why he sticks ago me. He doesn't seem to like what I like, the only things that seem to be common interests is some anime we'd watch together, and playing yugioh tcg, tho I'm not that much into yugioh, it's fun to play sometimes. I don't have money, and now that I don't have internet, so why does he keep coming around? I don't hate him, and he's not really annoying. He was at first but as time passes, he got less annoying. Probably cause I know a bit more how he works and his feelings toward things. Now though, I'm the one that mostly annoys him at times. But during this time, I couldn't understand why he keeps wanting to hang out with me.

Last month I kinda got my answer. I never asked him, but he told me that I was one of 2 people he can actually trust. From that I can now understand why he hangs around me, though I kinda wanted more cause that answers my question, but that doesn't really tell me how he feels about me or what he thinks about me. (I kinda got that answer a couple weeks ago where he said I was like a brother to him, and he also commented that I probably don't know what that's like cause I'm an only child. He's right, but yeah, we're definitely on good terms now.) Still though, just because he trusts me doesn't mean that I'm reliable, cause in my eyes I'm really not.

So my thoughts on the friends after school thing. It's really just something that happens I think. You just don't know who's gonna stay or leave, for whatever reasons, and sometimes you won't even know the reasons. But there's another side to it too. Some may leave, but there are also those that seemingly WON'T leave your life, and you might not know the reasons right away. I didn't learn the reason till about 3 years after graduating! It's kinda crazy, but idk, I think it might be for the best. I'm not thinking about all the reasonings behind how or why people will stay in your life, I'm only thinking of what it's been like for me, but from that I think it's for the best cause the ones who are left are people who have real reason to be in your life.

Potential Money Options

Last Thursday, I went to a LIFELeadership house plan meeting. It wasn't all that great, it was small, only one new person came, and they had to leave in the middle of it. But I took an opportunity and I told the hosts, after everyone else left, about my situation and asked that if they need anything small done that they could call me and I'll do it for small money.

Also, they kinda gave me suggestions of such things I could do, I assume it's cause I said I had no experience in such things like babysitting and yard work, but they brought up house-sitting, which I'm pretty certain I can do, so that's kinda got my confidence up a little.

But yeah, moving forward and adding opportunities!

Self Growth and Blog Decissions

I've done some soul searching and dug deep, and I think I might have realized something, or in the very least something about me has become clearer to me.

At first I thought I didn't like it when people are sexualized, which yes that's kinda true, but I've kind of been shown what I was doing that was wrong. To tell the truth, I don't really know what my thought process was, logically. All I can say is that I didn't see the simple truth behind sexual things. Sex and sexual stuff is a part of nature, but I had blinders on that made me view sex and sexual things by how society views and treats them-by that I mean, the ones doing it, making sexual things "have no soul" behind them. Where people's souls weren't a factor in it, which I kinda hated.

However, 2 things I realized: 1 obvious and makes me feel stupid (but hey, I evolved), and the other is just truth about myself. The first thing is that sexual things will ALWAYS be sexual. Even though I still think that being nude on it's own is just natural (according to nature, not human society) unless it's being done in a sexual way, sexual things will always be sexual, and that's not necessarily bad. Not everyone likes it, but it's not bad. I had to look up the meaning of "sexualization" just to be certain of it's definition, and I was right, it's not what I was treating it before. Sexualization-making something have a sexual quirk or nature-isn't a bad thing in general, but I can see why people can dislike it.

The second thing I realized is that the thing I greatly dislike, that I was treating sexualization as, is dehumanization. In other words, I dislike people being reduced to mere sexual tools or entertainment, like they aren't people with souls, hopes, likes, dislikes, feelings. So now sexualization is ok with me as long as dehumanization isn't involved, tho even then it can still irritate me and put me off. People can be sexualized if they want to be. People can be sexual if they want to be. (though I think they should be mindful and considerate of any people around them) But I believe they should never be dehumanized during such things, or anytime at all.

So yeah. That's how I stand right now, and I think it might be a step in the right direction for me.

Also, I realized that most of my blogs have been about sexual things or topics, so I'd like it to change. I guess the reasoning behind why that is, is because of me contemplating about sexual things lately, as well as being lost in sexual feelings from negative feelings. That might change though since I realized I have to start using my power to try and get what I want and-well, I'm derailing. Point is that I don't want this blog to be filled with sexual topics, so for now on, I'm gonna try and have at least 1 non-sexual topic one in between each sexual topic ones, so expect a non-sexual topic next!

List of Habits to Gain or Improve on

If the title of this post hasn't sunk in yet, this will be a list of habits that I should learn, habits I should lose, and habits I need to improve on in some way. I felt like doing this post to have something written that I could kinda come back to and see if I'm getting better, cause there are things I need to get better at if I want my life to go where I want it to go. I reheard and listened to a chunk from a LIFELeadership CD, and the person was saying that you don't pick your destiny, you pick your habits, and your habits pick your destiny. So I'm gonna list at least 10 habits that I can work on that I believe would make my life better, a little at a time, but still better.

1: When I feel like doing anything sexual, ask myself if I'm actual horny, or if I'm just gonna use it to cope with my problems or feelings. If it's coping, then don't do it and try to something else to do that can cheer me up. Otherwise, then try to make the session have soul, so it's not completely sexual. (Basically make it excite a feeling other than horniness by making it cute, funny, ect)

2: Walk everyday (that I can). At least around 1 block, once a day. I don't know if that'd help my back or not, but I need to get up and start moving around once in a while. The great weather will be coming soon, so I'd like to be ready for it! We're in town, so I should walk or ride my bike more now!

3: Do a little of Life Wars everyday. Progress is needed and I'd love for progress to be one of my habits, tho being used to little jumps can sometimes lead to getting things done without realizing the significance at first, or without realizing that the things got done. Like with what happened with the Succubus Kingdom bakstory!

4: Try to talk to people more. Maybe even strangers (on the internet) to try and get more experience when it comes to talking to people in general.

5: Talk/promote Life Wars. If I talk more about my game, then it's more likely that people will gain interest, and hopefully talk to me/have discussions about it so I know for certain people are interested. ;w; I'm doing this cause I want to put Life Wars, and what it means to me, out into the world, however it'd just be more fun if like people talk about it and I can have 2-way discussion about my game with people. ;w;

6: Be on look out for bottles. While I'm outside, I could look around for some cause I could use more money. I just need to develop the habit and it'll cash in eventually.

7: Take showers more. It'll most likely make me feel better.

8: Brush teeth before bed. I usually don't brush them cause I don't want the toothpaste taste to make whatever I'm eating taste horrible, or ruin the buzz of taste of the thing I just ate, so I think doing it before bed might solve this problem.

9: Do something for my happiness. There are times I get caught in what I should be doing and what I'd like to work on/do. These things can be very draining, physically, mentally, or both, and there are times where I need to step back, and even though most of these things are for me, some times they don't make me happy, or they usually make me happy but the timing is off. I gotta do something for my happiness once in a while, even if it's just to do nothing for a while and try to enjoy some peace.

And I can't think of anymore. I was close though. Was I'll have this list so I can have something to go on. Thanks for reading!