Friends After School

It's been about 3 years after I graduated high school. High school wasn't really a great thing for me at all, especially after graduating, but this blog post is about the friend component of graduating. I'll talk about my story and then my thoughts about the component in general.

When I graduated, it wasn't easy. I was told from someone who was from Michigan Works, a company that tries to find people jobs, that noone was willing to hire me cause of my heart surgery. I took it as I wouldn't be able to get a job, like how my mother can't cause of her seizures. I was depressed, and trying for Social Security Disability Income since I thought I wouldn't be able to get a job, where just that thought severely pissed me off. Some friends still came over, but slowly stopped.

One friend slowly stopped cause I didn't have money. Another stayed for like a week though he didn't seem all interested in me (don't really blame him, he has his own life), and then went to Florida soon after he left. Idk if he still thinks of us as friends, but I feel like we grown apart. And then there was the mysterious one of them all, my current irl friend that stayed throughout.

At first we didn't really know each other that well. He was a year below me, and apparently knew me from middle school. He probably didn't hang around me much then and only through association, and then we didn't go to the same school for a year, so that's probably why I didn't know him even though he knew who I was. So we weren't real pal-ly at first, maybe. I can't really say what his intentions were or how he felt about me then.

Anyway, back to the after-graduation time, he'd come around and hang out. Sometimes he was nice company, but other times not really. Sometimes not at all, mostly cause of my depression and frustration, and lack of people skills.

As times pass, we had been there in a few of each other's tough times. After that I didn't really get so frustrated at him anymore, cause I had my own problems (most of which I still didn't even want to share) but he was having problems with people betraying him and making external problems for him, when mine were just hearing people say tons of different things and I didn't know what to do and I was just scared of my life being fucked over. For him, I was there when someone tried breaking
in cause they heard that he stole their little brother's bag of clothes when really it was a friend of his girlfriend (at that time) who did it and tried framing him.

Then some time ago, like 6 months or more, I asked myself why he sticks ago me. He doesn't seem to like what I like, the only things that seem to be common interests is some anime we'd watch together, and playing yugioh tcg, tho I'm not that much into yugioh, it's fun to play sometimes. I don't have money, and now that I don't have internet, so why does he keep coming around? I don't hate him, and he's not really annoying. He was at first but as time passes, he got less annoying. Probably cause I know a bit more how he works and his feelings toward things. Now though, I'm the one that mostly annoys him at times. But during this time, I couldn't understand why he keeps wanting to hang out with me.

Last month I kinda got my answer. I never asked him, but he told me that I was one of 2 people he can actually trust. From that I can now understand why he hangs around me, though I kinda wanted more cause that answers my question, but that doesn't really tell me how he feels about me or what he thinks about me. (I kinda got that answer a couple weeks ago where he said I was like a brother to him, and he also commented that I probably don't know what that's like cause I'm an only child. He's right, but yeah, we're definitely on good terms now.) Still though, just because he trusts me doesn't mean that I'm reliable, cause in my eyes I'm really not.

So my thoughts on the friends after school thing. It's really just something that happens I think. You just don't know who's gonna stay or leave, for whatever reasons, and sometimes you won't even know the reasons. But there's another side to it too. Some may leave, but there are also those that seemingly WON'T leave your life, and you might not know the reasons right away. I didn't learn the reason till about 3 years after graduating! It's kinda crazy, but idk, I think it might be for the best. I'm not thinking about all the reasonings behind how or why people will stay in your life, I'm only thinking of what it's been like for me, but from that I think it's for the best cause the ones who are left are people who have real reason to be in your life.